Friday, October 28, 2011

Was Not Was

Apparently through the course of man's evolution, someone thought it a good idea that he have a yearly physical.  If you're a woman, that yearly physical includes more than just gagging on a popsicle stick and having your temperature taken.  I come from a line of healthy people.  Well, poor people who never had insurance and so if you had to go to the doctor, it better be worth the money.  This is just a theory, but I think it made us healthier.  We had to rely on our immune systems to fight whatever ailment plagued us rather than on medication.  I went to the doctor about a year ago because my migraines were getting out of control.  I've actually had insurance consistently for over a decade now, but I rarely went to the doctor's office (they smell of rubbing alcohol) and never the same one (they can't follow up with you if you're gone.)  This recent doctor asked about shots and when my last physical was ("Uh...high school?") and so promptly scheduled me another visit.  And it turns out never going to the doctor made me a very healthy woman.  I did manage to avoid the girly parts of that visit.  This year rolled around and they called wanting another physical ("What, again?  Didn't I just have one?!") and this time I couldn't avoid the full exam.

That brings us to today where I had some sensitive bits biopsied.  It wasn't pleasant.  It hurt.  They were wonderful; the nurse was very nice and comforting, the doctor unwaveringly professional, which I like because he's a freaking doctor, not a comedian.  But I kept trying to talk and they would fall silent.  The problem is, if I don't talk, I can't stop the voice in my heading screaming, "Get out, get out, get out!"  Results come in 10 days, until then I've curled up in a ball on my couch, succumbing to a 30 ROCK marathon on Netflix.

When I first started writing, one book that made a huge difference to me was Stephen King's ON WRITING.  It was informative and entertaining.  It gave you enough clear-cut do's and don'ts that I feel really improved my writing.  One of those don'ts was using "was."  King recommends you don't as much as you can manage; like no "The night was dark and stormy."  It's a tense thing and he feels you can use your sentences to more effect without it.  And I have really tried to adhere to his rules with was.  I try to use it as sparingly as I can.  It's kinda hard, actually.  And then last night I started reading THE GUNSLINGER, the first in his Dark Towers series and I'll be damned if that whole first paragraph wasn't wased to hell with wases.  Bastard.

Tonight I'll be cursing my T.V. as the Rangers try to win their first World Series and writing with all kinds of was, while trying to hunt down a drug dealer to hook me up with some black market hydrocodone.  Typical Friday night.    

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